Amateur Parent Turns Pro
One afternoon I was shopping in the local Albert Hein, with my 5 year old son. He
was hell-bent on getting a trolley, as for him this would mean the chance to get
in it and lounge. However, I had no change for a trolley so I insisted that we grab
a basket and walk. This unexpected change in my son’s plans created a Shakespearian-type
outburst that could easily have made it to the Oscars shortlist had Spielberg been
about. I watched my son in his leading role, whining and moaning like a geriatric,
in front of the tinned tomatoes and shopping spectators, “My legs hurt, and I have
pain, waaaaaaaah!” The scene reached a climax when he decided to outdo himself and
fall to the ground in excruciating spasms of pain. All this time, I managed to stay
calm, listening to a voice in my head saying, “Just ignore him; just ignore him.”
I was trying out a new tactic in the art of parent-child combat. I continued walking
towards the macaroni, trying not to glance at my 5 year old’s performance, repeating
the mantra and praying for deliverance. After what seemed like an eternity, James
stood up and walked towards me, his leg pain wondrously cured and said, “Can I find
the next thing you need?” Having just witnessed a miracle, I felt I had conquered
Mt. Fuji and could only smile at this parental triumph.